We are now getting settled into our house (that we were renting out the last three years) and it sometimes feels as if we never even left Washington in the first place. But that's quickly dissipated from any thoughts as I sit here in my home office and look at all the island life mementos, pictures in frames, paintings that ML had envisioned the office becoming upon our return. One painting hanging behind me is the exact same copy of one of the expensive paintings I had purchased for my building at Pearl Harbor which I really took a liking to, as it represented Hawaii to me. I casually mentioned how awesome a painting it was to ML and some of my co-workers before my last day of work, and somehow it appeared on the table with my awards and mementos at my retirement luncheon held at Navy/Marine Corps Golf Course's Seven Palms Bar and Grill. No - it wasn't the one off of the wall from work, however, I think ML gave my co-workers the money to buy the exact same one from the art store at Ward Center and at my retirement luncheon it was presented to me from my co-workers. :)
Something that happened before we left Hawaii had me wondering about my God and faith and the way things work in our lives. My mother was admitted to the hospital the afternoon before we departed the island, and we got word just as I was dropping off my truck at Sand Island to ship back to Seattle. We already had shipped ML's car back a few days earlier, and I had the rental car in the parking lot, but I tell you - I was ready to just pull my truck back out and call my boss to tell him that I needed to stay on the island even though flight and hotel reservations were already solidified at this point. In the end, ML and I decided that we should just press on and fly back to Seattle and cross the next bridge when we get to it. So I proceeded to ship my truck and we hurried to the rental car. By the time we made it to Pali Momi, mom was unresponsive and brain dead. (Mom was 85 years old and very active until the last two years when dementia set in and for about the last two years, my side of the family with ML, and my older sister/brother-in-law split time in taking in mom to make sure we kept her as busy as we could and also provide company since worries on her living alone had become a major concern.) My father had passed away in 2004, as had many of mom's friends who lived on the mainland and on Oahu, so we did what we could to keep her motivated to enjoy life - or what was to be left of it.
The beginning of this year left mom with a serious debilitating stroke that put our family in the position of having to commit her to a nursing home with full time care. It was very stressful for all of us to go through the process - of having her in the medical situation she was in, and especially in finding a home and the bureaucratic paperwork accompanying, but we were fortunate in the end to find a nice home that had space and a fantastic staff. After a week, we settled into the routine of visiting mom during my lunch hour or early evenings before dinner. By this time, she could not speak, but could acknowledge what we were asking or talking to her about. She was tough until the end, but in my heart of hearts, I knew she didn't want to live life any more in the state she was in. And personally, I know mom had lived a full life. Her and my dad were active until they couldn't physically get around anymore. 75 for dad (until chemotherapy for lung cancer had took its toll on him), and 85 for mom. To this day, I look at my parents and compare what they were doing at my age to what I'm doing now. Although I'm an active person in the sense of my abilities (running, swimming, golfing etc...), they were active also - golfing, fishing, crabbing, bowling, Bingo etc) and I even think they were physically stronger at my age that I am now. Anyway, I saw it in mom's eyes in her final weeks when she would grab my hand and squeeze and I would tell her that I was praying for her always.
The strange thing about all this occurred three days before we left Oahu. ML, Our Boy and I went to Mililani cemetery to visit my father and older brother's resting places, and then over to Punchbowl to visit my grandfather's also. During our three years on island, a monthly visit to put flowers on each was a regular routine. However during this last visit, I said out loud to each of them that since this was our last time at their resting places until our next time in the islands, that if they could 'please take care of mom' and ease her suffering, it would be good for all of us - especially mom.' The next day we visited mom in the late afternoon and she seemed to be in pain and was not acknowledging our presence as she previously did, so I told ML that we'd stop by after dropping off our truck the next day. Well...
It was an emotional and tiring afternoon and evening in the hospital room at Pali Momi, and we had a fantastic staff that were constantly available. Although mom was brain-dead, her heart was still keeping her body alive until it couldn't anymore. Me, ML and OB, and my nephews, older sister and brother-in-law maintained a constant presence in the room, and greeted other relatives stopping by to pay respect when they could stop by after work - including mom's GP, an outstanding doctor who was one that mom trusted greatly since returning to Hawaii in 2004. I could tell he was very sad even as he was explaining that mom was already gone - going into a medical explanation of what was happening to her body - something I thought was his way of not getting too emotional, because I knew he easily could have. He was kind enough to offer to write an official letter on the spot for me and ML to cancel our flight departing Honolulu the next morning (so that we wouldn't get charged cancellation fees) if we wanted to, but we kindly declined. I saw he was tearing up when he finally left the room.
As it was getting late and we still hadn't finished packing our suitcases, we had to get back to the hotel in town, and we left at around 11pm after saying our final good bye to mom.
My younger sister who also lives in the Pacific Northwest, flew out the next morning from Seattle just as we were leaving Honolulu, and our flights crossed by each other somewhere over the Pacific with her landing in Honolulu about a couple of hours after we arrived in Seattle. Although we had hoped mom would have hung on just a little longer for my younger sister to arrive, she passed away before my sister's flight landed and just about the time we arrived at my parents-in-law's house after being picked up at the airport. The phone call I received from my older sister stating mom had finally passed away was pretty straight forward. My older sister wasn't emotional, but I know she was tired. We both agreed that mom was in a better place now and no longer suffering, and that she was now with our dad, brother and everyone else in the family who we know that went before us. I thanked her for all she did, and also for being a great daughter to my mom and for all that she and my brother-in-law did over the last ten years to make mom enjoy Hawaii after our father had passed away.
So many thoughts after that. But as my dad communicated to me indirectly after my brother's passing over twenty years ago, we have to go on and 'live our lives.' My older brother was my mentor in life, and when he died, I was stationed in England - having to fly the long flight back to Honolulu from London on Emergency Leave holding it in, and finally breaking down when I finally dropped my bags after entering my folks house in Ewa. I can still see my dad handing me a Budweiser beer (mine and my brother's favorite beer) without a word, yet saying by that action, 'no sense in getting all bussup.' Basically, get sad, grieve, and then go live your life. I know that may sound calloused, but I know what my dad was saying and it sits well with me.
I miss my mom, dad, older brother, grandfather and grandmother greatly - as well as the fun and memorable times we shared. But I know when life is done here on earth, we will all be together again living what God has promised us. I will always keep them alive in my heart along with the happy memories but continue to live my life here and be the best man I can for my family, friends and community.
