Sunday

 Anthony Bourdain died. To see those words typed here is something I wouldn't have thought I'd see for many years, and certainly not how he died in the manner it occurred. I was there from the first episodes of "A Cook's Tour' way back when and looked forward to anything he produced - 'No Reservations,' 'The Layover' and 'The Mind of a Chef.' How happy I was that he started 'Parts Unknown.' An amazing man who did so much for the culinary world and to help push the movement of the culture of food to a level it never saw before.

To many, suicide is unforgiveable, but as the discussion on the topic has come up between co-workers and ML the past two days, I take the position that one will never know what goes on in someone's mind prior to the final act being committed, and that I will pray that the person is forgiven by God, judged fairly, and rests in peace eternally.

I worked with someone who had the best attitude and personality - who was a success story in all rights to where she had landed in life, and a breath of fresh air when she joined the organization. Then over a year later something negative happened professionally where she thought her career was going to be taken away due to an administrative rule supposedly being broken. As a senior manager, she took the rules seriously. Although I wasn't in her direct charge, from my perspective as a leader I thought if anything, a slap on the wrist would be the end result of the investigation. But unfortunately the whole episode affected her so much over a period of weeks that she essentially became unfunctional at work as a person due to the stress of it all. She became withdrawn and was not herself anymore. I remember having to sit down with her and an auditor on one of my programs when this was going on and how both the auditor and I ended up instead providing assurance and counsel to this person that everything was going to be all right and that there's help available. It was just such a very sad picture in my mind as I relive that scene.

When I received information a few weeks later that she had killed herself, I got very angry after getting over the initial shock of the news. Not at her, but at the system of bureaucratic rules that was the foundation of the scenario in the first place, her supervisor, and her work peers for letting it get to where it ended up. And then I was sad. For her, for her family, and those of us who really liked her and wished she had got better help. You would have never thought it would happen, because she seemed to have a strong character and family to support her, yet it did. Her funeral did bring some closure to me personally, but it sealed in my mind forever that no matter how openly someone is - seemingly happy and has it all together, that behind the scenes and inside, no one will ever know that when someone takes their life what is really being dealt with by that person. 

Sometimes though, the scenario prior to suicide isn't like the one I described. Reports are saying that Bourdain didn't show up to dinner the night before and for breakfast the day they found him. Also that he was in a dark mood in the days preceding. Whatever the case now, it happened. Somehow through the news I recall thinking, 'At least you made it to see Okinawa before you died, man.' And I chuckled at that thought because I would've been living forever in wonder had he not. After 'A Cook's Tour' was done, and in all episodes of 'No Reservations' I always thought 'Dude - you need to go to Okinawa.' And he did in 'Parts Unknown.' What a life lived.

We can only be happy in our own lives internally as best as we can manage - through good and bad times, and do our best to focus on what's important every day no matter what; for ourselves, our family and friends, and our community.

I wish the best for everyone wherever you are.